Thank you.

An excerpt from a dream-like meditation experience I had this morning:

...when I had gone back into my body to repair the open wound, I noticed the two black dots, still there, in the same place they had been before, but this time, not dripping, not generating more muck. They were just there. And I was totally ok with this. In fact, I found myself smiling that they were there. Like a tattoo. A gentle reminder to have reverence and respect for these lessons. And a reminder that there will always be darkness within me. But, it's up to *me* to decide how it manifests. This, I believe, is the purity and visceral feeling of gratitude. Thank you, experience. Thank you pain. Thank you darkness for showing me that I can still live with you, inside of me.

* * *

This song has been playing in my head on repeat for the past several days:

how 'bout getting off these antibiotics
how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
how 'bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you, thank you silence

how 'bout me not blaming you for everything
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how 'bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you, thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how 'bout no longer being masochistic
how 'bout remembering your divinity
how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how 'bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you, thank you silence 

    - "thank you" by alanis morissette