Transition to a new year, new realm, new era.

An experience of annual shift...this time around:

My mom and I have a yearly tradition of calling each other up and wishing each other a joyous fresh start to each new year, no matter where either of us is in the world at the stroke of midnight. Regardless of time zone or continent. Regardless of if we actually reach each other and have the chance to speak in real time, or if we leave giddy messages for each other, to be enjoyed later. This year, being in the midwest, she rang in the new year two hours before I did on the west coast. We played phone tag and traded silly, fun and thoughtful messages well into the afternoon today.

This tradition has always warmed my heart. I love you, Mom. I wish for you a joyful, fulfilling, loving, revelatory and powerful (in the most *empowering* sense of that word), 2012.

* * *

My own personal experience of crossing over from one year to the next was one that was new to me. Hanging out in a home with dear friends in Portland, I felt wholly empowered to *be*, and honor exactly what it was that I needed in every passing moment. I was able to fully recognize everything I felt throughout the night and nurture myself, well into the wee hours of the morning. Last night was incredibly difficult for me. My emotions were running high, and I was feeling vulnerable, lonely, lost, mournful, sad and depressed. This, added to the nervousness I strongly felt in choosing to be in the presence of other people (whom I *really* wanted to be happy, upbeat and excited around), made it even harder...at the beginning. Upon meeting up with them, however, I was immediately comforted by the reality that they did not expect me to be anyone I was not, nor hope that I would pretend to feel any way I did not genuinely feel. In fact, they had absolutely no expectations of me, at all. They hugged me, offered me shoulders to cry on, and held space for me to just *be* exactly where I was. And, all the while, reassured me that where *I* was would not in any way detract from or drag down *their* experience of the night. This was actually true.

As the night rolled along, I found that I needed a considerable amount of time to myself. In addition to feeling completely physically exhausted, I wasn't feeling all that social for most of the night. So, I retreated to a quiet, warm, soft, welcoming bedroom around 10:30 for some much needed relaxation and a nap. Intending to be awake and physically present for the midnight transition, I woke myself up with time to prepare for meditation. I sat for 33 minutes, as 2011 ended and the new day began. Throughout the meditation, I could hear the the effusive celebrations of cheering and fireworks outside. I also heard the giddy, muffled sounds of laughter and music of my close friends experiencing their own journey, drifting up from the downstairs area where they were.

Though I was separated, physically, from my friends during those moments, I did not feel alone. I felt uplifted and supported, knowing I could be fully absorbed in my own experience, and still feel the presence of them nearby. It was one of the most empowering experiences I've ever felt. To know that there may be things happening near me with people I very much *want* to share time, space and experiences with, and choose to honor what I *need* for that moment. To genuinely feel that it is a decision well made.

It is the feeling of knowing I am exactly where I need to be, in each moment. And, in each moment, it is a choice.

Thank you, dear friends, for your consistent and ongoing support of who I am and gently, yet firmly holding the space for me, to be.

I love you.

What and amazing way to start this new year.

Gratitude. Love. And, more gratitude.